How to Encourage Your Friends to Contact You More

Ever feel like you're the one carrying your friendships? You are the one who calls, writes, emails, IMs, texts --- whew! Your friends should take the initiative and make contact with you once in a while, huh? Here's how to handle that feeling that the burden of keeping contact with your friends is all on you.

Steps

1. 1
   Understand that all friendships should be give-and-take relationships. Sometimes that means the give-and-take is unevenly distributed. It's just a fact of life, and if you want to continue relationships with friends who just don't have much to give at this time, you will need to accept it. Sometimes, it really is all on you - sometimes it's you giving 100% while they give 0%, while other times, it seems to be a more equitable balance of 50/50. That's life, and it's normal.
   
   
   
2. 2
   Let them know you welcome all contact with them. Make sure your voice is welcoming, or that you respond as soon as possible to emails, etc., you will let them know they don't need any reason to make contact; they can call just to talk, and you'll be glad to hear from them.
   
   
   
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   Use humor to lighten the situation when you mention it. Going up to your friend as if you are a drama queen. jealous lover Instead, affect some sort of goofy accent or use some other method of clearly joking - do not be pointed about it, insulting, petulant, etc. Above all, know when to quit - make a quick joke: "Oh, Brandon, you never call, you never write - what am I to think? That you don't love me, that's what!" And then chuckle, say, "I know you're so busy - but I love to hear from you, I miss you." And drop it. Don't keep it going, just let it go.

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   Realize that you may be the "needier" friend at a time when your friend needs space. If this is the case, the most successful and best type of friend you can be is an understanding one. While you may have loads of time and disposable cash, your friend may be struggling financially, or under the load of classes, etc. Rather than burden you with his or her problems, your friend may simply withdraw for a little while, until circumstances ease. Be sensitive to this. It may be a time for you to probe a little ("I'm concerned about you - you've seemed to withdraw for a little bit. Is there a problem I could help with?") or to respect the unspoken request for distance. Just be open and friendly, letting your friend know that when he/she is ready to make contact, you will be there.
   
   
   
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   Back off. Once you're clear that your friend is not going to reach out or confide in you, but simply seems less into your friendship than you are, back away for the time being. Let your friend struggle through whatever is going on in his or her life without harassment. Let your friend know that you are there and still care for him or her by sending an email every week or two, texting something innocuous, or just calling and leaving a message occasionally. A text like "R u busy? Call me?" is fine. But if s/he doesn't answer, let it go - don't follow up. Or leave a message like "Hey, Jonah, this is Robin. I'm just calling to say hi - we hadn't chatted in a while and I had a few minutes free. I was just hoping to catch up a little. If you get a chance later, give me a call - otherwise, hope everything's okay, and just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of ya. Chat with ya soon." These are non-predatory, non-threatening attempts at contact, and have a sincere message that you care attached. But the caution here is, once you've called and left one message, let that be enough.
   
   
   
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   Accept reality. Sometimes, distancing himself from you is your friend's way of letting you know that right now, the friendship just is not a priority to him. If it's tremendously important to you that all friendships be maintained daily, weekly, monthly, etc., then this is not the friend for you. Many friendships naturally drift - that is to say that, sometimes, you are very close to this person, and other times, you have no contact. Eventually, one friend tracks the other one down, reaches out, and BANG! It's as if no time had passed at all - they resume their friendship. Other times, friends simply grow away, develop other interests, and make other friends, and we lose touch with them permanently. It is essential that you accept that all friendship is a two-way volunteer situation. Let your friend go, and treasure what good memories of your friendship you have.
   
   
   

Tips

• Give your friend some space, sure, but don't totally desert them. Sit with them at lunch, drop a text, or invite them to a social function. Just knowing that you thought of them will be encouraging, even if they don't attend. Parties are also good because there isn't as much pressure for him/her to hang out with just you; there will be plenty of people around to mingle with.
• Consider your need to have more contact, and ask yourself if the reason you need or want more contact than your friend seems to might be that you have feelings outside of friendship for this person. If that's the case, you will need to decide whether to approach your friend with your feelings.
• If you do drop hints that you'd like your friend to take the initiative more often, try to do it with a little humor and avoid making a big deal of it.